Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
