I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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