It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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