Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize