I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
