um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
