The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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