If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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