I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have post one night stand depression
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
