you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
