He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize