I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
