the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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