I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
