This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
