If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
