I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize