Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
