Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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