Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
