There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize