The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
