What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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