felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
