whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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