If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My penis needs a shock collar
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
