Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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