dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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