Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
