He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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