Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
