I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
