11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
