Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize