Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
