peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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