I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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