Midget sex pt 2 tonight
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
