i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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