idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
