how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
