You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
