I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
the liver wants what the liver wants
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
