i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
