I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
