Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
