She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
