My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sarcasm needs its own font
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
