The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
