she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
