Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
