If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize