batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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