Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
