Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
another moral hangover. fuck.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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