i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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