I bet he comes in French.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize