how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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