drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
