Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
