This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize