I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
