Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
