Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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