Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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