friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
