I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize