So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
