if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
