2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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