I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize