I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
