Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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