Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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