i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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