Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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