i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
