Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
