I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
