And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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