Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's shark week go big or go home
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize