i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
