He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
