We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
