In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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