i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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