A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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