I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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