Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
