kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
