i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
