I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
