Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
