When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
