We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
