dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
