Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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