my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Barsexuality is the new black.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We talked him into tasing himself.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
