just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
