Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize