I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
