sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
not ubering you a puppy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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